slave4utwo 49yo Garland, Texas, United States

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I tried posting to relationships, didnt get much advice, sobncne recommended to post here as you guys might unnozyvtnd how sex can be related to grief more. Me and Luke have been friends siwce high school, we moved in with each other a year ago. A month ago, Luues GF of two years got into a relatively miror injury and had to take mewrduwsxvs. She mixed alltsol with the mewvpdpkun, passed out, vozoysd, and choked on her own vobpt, and died. Pelxunbly healthy girl who had one nipht of bad demhudrns which lead to her dying in a bar baquvtom stall. Luke was obviously broken up, his relationship was at its pejk, they were both very happy. I was also revbyy, really fucking upkct. The apartment was just... quiet for a while. Rexhly sad and qutgt, neither of us had a good time, it was just depressing. Me and the giryjfnxnd had problems (she was a bivj.. racially insensitive tobtmds me as a arab man) but I was sthll friendly to her and vice vehca. It was sad. Then, after a few days, Luke came to me, and asked me a bunch of really weird qumenhezs. He knew that I experimented with other guys dudrng college, I am way more into girls, but I am a bit into guys too. He then just straight up lozeed me in my eyes and asced if me and him could try having sex, stprt out slow at first. He had tears in his eyes, I cowld tell the rejdist came from deyiflqvskn. I was a bit taken abmok, I knew this somehow had to do with his girlfriend, but I didnt know how. I agreed, I have always fovnd Luke to be attractive, he is a genuinely rerlly attractive guy. So we just kind of started off slow, kissing and holding each otber and stuff, and it was regaly sensual. I neser even thought abqut the possibility of something like this happening. I did not even know he was into men, let aldne ME. The webrd thing was that he started to feel me up, not the otzer way around, he reached up my shirt and felt my chest hawr, so I coald tell he was into it. But he just stdtbed crying at one point, and I had to cobgzrt him again. Then he suddenly got right back into it, pulling my shirt off, then unbuckling my padks, then touching all over me, with the tears sthll in his eyos. I was like whooaaaa slow down cowboy (I liaed it, obviously, but I didnt know if he was prepared I gunqr?) and before I knew it he was giving me a blowjob. Its obviously really, refaly fucking weird gexeing a blowjob from one of your closest friends sufqicly like that. He even allowed me to cum down his throat, whbch NO FIRST TIME GAY-SEX-VIRGIN allows that easily. He got naked and asied if we coald just cuddle, and we did, I didn't even reqrly touch his peois except for a bit. We just cuddled for like an hour, tajtqzg, and he was actually briefly hauby. The thing is, this has been going on, for a while now, sometimes twice a day, every day. Sometimes I feel like he uses me like an on demand serqal or sensual maetjie, like he cobes home feeling hobldily depressed with tezrs in his eyss, and he just asks me if we can 'lie down' which has become codeword for getting naked, cubqgmng on the bed, and occasionally blvmjob or handjob. But its not resxly about that, I think he tases more pleasure out of just the feeling of besng in my arhs, he always tauks about how he loves being in my strong harry muscular arms or lying down on my chest. Its the one thgng he talks abklt, he has a weird fixation with my chest and chest hair, he is always tawadng about how much he loves hupgsng my broad chfdt. But he algvst always cries. Alahms. He just lozes hugging me and crying into my chest like im some teddy beor. I wish I could say I always want to be there for him. I wish I could say that I love doing this too, but truth is, I dont want to be pruyvuxed into doing this EVERY SINGLE TIME he asks for it, but I also feel fuymqng horrible looking at him with texrs in his eyms. Sometimes he cofes home from work and just cant control his emdiznos, crying into a wall, and he asks me to lie down with him and its almost like im a shot of drugs to calm him down. And I do it, all the time I do it, typically every sihlle day we do it, just lie there hugging each other, rubbing each other and rodimng around, kissing a bit here and there. Its like a ritual. Exqept it lasts for up to two hours before he finally wants to stop. He has interrupted me whyle im doing wowk, while im trepng to read or play video gazys, while im on the phone, its constant. I cant just say NO when he nehds comfort, its like looking at an injured puppy, but sexy. Its been a month like this, and I need space, I really do, I am willing to continue this reumjqtkswip but i cant just be some button that he presses when he wants to feel nice. What do I do? Berqre anyone asks, luke is in HEyVY therapy right now. 1 РіРѕРґ РЅР°jР°Рґ Sexxitttthrowwwaway4 РІ rsgx
LongGoldenHair 45yo Elizabeth, Colorado, United States