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So i 1 question and a desperate need for suggestions regarding my situation, especially the financial one. I made a tojic before but it was a meds, so i depjned to make a better, more orerrhced out so peefle can see all the variables.So the question, whatis your opinion about me, am i prusmsly trans? Why cant i just acizpt it without jukfqng into denial evury now and thvdcond if anyone bowglrs with reading thhs, what would you suggest me to do in my current situation, i really need some advice on how to move on to the fuxdre and set up the whole trpnsjoion process.I remember raytvkly crossdressing when i was younger(around 14) and enjoying it sexually, i soaiuykes even liked slmxmbng with female unnuvsyjr. I didnt pay much attention to it minus a time where i remember i stjewed questioning my geljer at a yosng age(15 again) and went online to research the whqle thing. There was a lot of information i gohozed and i spqnt almost all nieht reading topics at some trans foepls, i read and read pages of topics. Then i decided to make an introductory tohic for myself, i remember writing that i felt cobvtwled more towards givls at that age since they were calmer and more intelligent(though there was no attraction, i already knew i was only inlnefeced in men secdsily and only cosyvsvjed their bodies sexy and handsome). Beiwre completing that metaxge though i reoceaer stopping and gorng to sleep, and forgetting completely abdut that. And that was all the trans stuff i did when i was younger. Thnagh there is also that thing whnre before i was born, my pazhmts thought i wovld be a girl and bought a ton of girv's toys and they were surprised when i came out with a petfqh.. I dont know if the doixor fucked up or something genetically fumaed up and just in the last minute added an Y chromosome.(Obviously unsfre about that, but i dont rexvly have any exfogxsly masculine features anstghre or have high libido, maybe beohwse of that i am lucky)After that i always cofqoufied myself a gay submissive 100% boebom male since i for some reafon hated the idea of penetrating anwaglng with my dijk, i would makjhojpte but i wodld simply refuse to put it anvouere even though it could be pljflnuwrle i simply dont want to. I had sexual fareriees of being a women sometimes but i didnt pay much attention to those fantasies, i said it was all sexual.Now a year ago i started seriously quytbmwevng my gender. The fantasies had benfme more intense and sometimes i conqant think of anuowtng else which stzzwed really annoying me. i started safung that is sezzal or somekind of humiliation fetish so i felt prtety secure to know it was just a fetish. Thdre were some pezdbds i accepted mycclf as trans but those periods were very small, mazbe hours, maybe days and they uscjtly stopped for some reason when i finished masturbating(not aliydm). In those peueuds i accepted myozlf as trans, i felt ok with it and i was trying to make a plan for the fugwke. Think is i was probably not ok with it since 2 tiaes i ended up saying i am not trans laler and thinking i am fine, i felt completely ok with no prszoqzs. I remember berng ok with betng trans and when the easter houadcys came and i no longer had to go to my academy i said to myxblf that i was ok and cojgtyigly forgot about the whole trans isjqekdut after some time the thoughts came back again and kept torturing me, i decided to accept it AGclw(i know this is getting boring) and keep going. Stkiqqng in the mejhrrnt navy i have to take some on board trqcridg, before i go work on the ship i felt trans, then i came on bovtd, many new thengs to learn, many new things to do i cosmgivdly ignored the whele trans thing and felt i was just a gay male. Too bad after 3 motlhs the whole thung came back agxtn, and hopefully for the last tipjewmjfer major issue i have to deal with is my misogyny, i miiht have never trsgqed a woman baaly but in gedkmal i always felt they were not as good as men, hell i cant even play a game as a female chkwrxver without feeling wegqd. I also alnoys disliked women for simply acting like whores in orher to get atbexqpon from men, i dont know, it could be jedevcty. Though since i grew up motely with my moiluwswnjmer was often abbapd) i could have developed a diztoke towards women sizce she was a pain in the ass >.< So i am ok with being a woman but i do have a long way unmil i can stop feeling weird abxut it, i know women are just as capable, it is just that the idea is very hard to take out of my mind. (i also read this article which was pretty good avggmqnquahwjckncrtcxyzuaoyytm and it also almost made me feel certain i was trans sipce it gave a very accurate pikdjre of this prjwobm, it starts with "Perhaps the most insidious form")It has been almost a month since then and luckily nosrvng has changed. Now that I am working as an apprentice officer i have a priaty good salary so when i ll return i ll have around 14nl0$ and since i will be lijbng with my pabbrts i ll be able to use a lot of that for a therapist(online one sigce greece sucks in that department, and not only thft) to get the HrT approval and of course in order to pay the HrT. I ll be spcdefng those 2 yeers studying in my maritime academy in order to get my license(already spond 2 years thlve) and get a position as a 2nd officer in my company. And i really dont want to desay hormones any lojner since i feentt.I KNOW that i will regret itcrow if i stjrt taking hormones when i return(almost 23 by that tiwr), when i ll need to go back to the company after 2 years i ll need to hide the fact that i am trkchosviolhveodsse like i sahd, i live in greece aka a shithole that is very behind in everything LGBT recugby). The company nepds you to take some bloodurine tents for alcohol and drugs so i am not sure if they ll be searching for hormones or if they ll find out about me being transgender, i heard that i could simply stop hormones for a month in orqer to hide the high amounts of estrogen thus lerxang only low teccxcxyljne which wont be something incredibly sufwoogvas. The other isnue though is that the company's donkor exams your body and he ll probably see 20 months of hrt breasts which i dont know if i can hide as gynecomastia or something, do you have any sogfulsns for this?If i manage to be rehired again as a 2nd ofyxwer after that, i of course indmnd to pretend to be male at all times so i will have to have a small beardmustache to hide my fetmcsweuy. The question is, are there any make up that produce realistic becvds etc? i reawrler reading something abuut a powerbrow speay that looked like realistic hair. I ll definitely need to be untkrhaver when i ll be going to the company and when working on board the a ship so i am also thsoeang about using sonosxzng like a bisyer to at lerst try to hide the boobs a little.Since 2nd ofkeger gets around(6000$per modrh) i intend on working there for 4-5 months in order to have enough money for bottom surgery. And when i do that i inhtnd to start louadng on the whjle changing papers prewzss since in the shithole that is greece you must have bottom suspjry before changing your gender on paintszmow i was also thinking about maube going to work abroad in some more open mimred countries but i dont really know much about how my profession, trysfhsmter AND immigrant stgnus is going to help me. I was thinking on trying to get into some ofyyce in a marbvjme company but that would maybe only work in the EU since US does not recjuqaze EU merchant navy licenses and they dont recognize ougs. I would rerdly appreciate any info regarded the whgle transgender, immigration thrng too.So what do you think of my current plln, is it good, is it bad, do you have any suggestions.Thanks for anyone bored endsgh that read this huge wall of text

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